AEW Dynamite Review #18 (4/22/2020) by Anthony S. DiSalvatore
Welcome back to another rousing review of AEW Dynamite! I’ll be honest, this show isn’t looking good. Jimmy Havok will go one on one with Pockets. Yawn. Matt Hardy will be on for another promo.
Can I make it through the whole thing without turning the show off this time? And the Pretentious Douche makes his long-awaited return to the ring! That’s not all! In the most SHOCKING update of the past six weeks, my close personal friend MJF may require surgery for an undisclosed medical issue! MY HEART! It is broken! On the bright side, Chris Jericho is here for more brilliant commentary! Let’s get this over with.
Match #1: Sammy Guevara vs. Darby Allin
I’ve lost track of what the story is for this match, but I think it might have something to do with the tournament for the new title they have around here. I’ll be honest, I’m worried about MJF. I hope he’s ok. Sammy G starts this match with a dive to the outside. It seems ridiculous for an opening match, but it gets worse. Sammy grabs a ladder and places it on the barricade wall, then smashes Darby from the top rope once and for all. That’s it for him, somebody call the paramedics!
We come back from commercial and Darby’s still hanging around, but I don’t think he has much left. Sammy loses his boot! Oh no, he’s powerless! Darby applies the ankle lock but Sammy refuses to tap. This kid has a lot of heart. Shame on Darby for fighting dirty like that! Pineapple Pete makes another cameo in the crowd. Sammy Guevara NAILS a double flippity flop off the top rope with one boot on! Wow, man. What an athlete this guy is. Darby wins this thing with an inverted figure 4 leglock, which also results in a pin. What an innovative move! I’m happy to see Darby have some success, but the show can only go down from here. Pockets is on the card.
After this match, we see Matt Hardy doing an overly dramatic promo in what looks to be his garage. This started as complete nonsense until Matt Hardy reverts to his normal form and does a promo on Jericho WITHOUT all the ridiculous nonsense! This part of the promo was perfectly acceptable. I’m glad I hung in there!
Match #2: Kenny Omega vs. Alan Angels
Part of me is looking forward to this match! Omega’s opponent is a nobody, so in theory, this shouldn’t take long and we’ll all be able to move on with our lives in short order. But this IS an Omega match, so it’ll take at least 10 minutes. Even though this is supposed to be a tune-up match, and there are no people here, Omega still takes time to gesture and make faces. I’m convinced if he doesn’t do this in every single match, he’ll break out in hives. Kenny does his finish, but the opponent kicks out. Again, no surprise. This is an Omega match. Omega requires two finishing moves to beat a total nobody!
Match #3: Jimmy Havok vs. Pockets (w. The Ambiguously Gay Duo)
I couldn’t possibly care any less about this match. Jimmy gets the upper hand immediately since Pockets has his back turned. I hear this guy’s pretty violent. Too bad he didn’t bring a tire tool with him to the ring! The only entertaining part of this is Jericho’s commentary. This match is way too long. Kip Sabian shows up for some reason and interferes. Don’t know why he has no dog in this fight. Anyway, Pockets wins. Since I don’t care about this match at all, I’ll just ignore it and move on. At least they’re not trying to make him look competitive against Pac. That was just silly. Besides, MJF is NEXT and I really need to know if he’s ok or not. I haven’t seen or heard from him in weeks!
MJF Finally Shows Up!
I’ve been waiting six weeks for this! MJF is finally about to tell us what happened! It turns out he suffered a very serious injury while gambling with Shawn Spears six weeks ago (it was a hangnail). He’ll be back soon to challenge the champion! That’s GREAT news! I know this wasn’t a live appearance, but since it’s new I’ll count it. MJF may not be here, but his man Wardlow is!
Match #4: Wardlow vs. Lee Johnson
Let me tell you, Wardlow doesn’t stand a chance in this one. Lee Johnson goes for a dropkick, but it has no effect on the big guy. Wardlow gives him a press slam and that looks to be it, but Wardlow’s not done yet. He ragdolls the poor guy a few more times. Wardlow puts the guy down with a knee to the face. Come on Wardlow, put this prick out of his misery. Wardlow wins with an airplane spin. Keep the change!
Match #5: Brodie Lee vs. Justin Law
Man, Brodie Lee needs some new ring gear. Before this match started, we’ve been told the Dark Order has recruited a new member. The guys on this site tell me he has Brock Lesnar-like potential. NOPE, but I guess I should still take a look. Brodie wins this thing with a discus clothesline. Moving right along!
Main Event: Kip Sabian vs. Dustin Rhodes
Not only is this another TNT championship tournament match, but if Dustin doesn’t win this thing, he says he’ll retire! I can’t see it happening. Not against Sabian at least. Dustin should be able to smack this punk around with no trouble whatsoever! Dustin tries to shake Kip’s hand, but he gets rejected. Better keep an eye on that skank at ringside Dustin! She can’t be trusted. Sabian has the upper hand early on. This is the age-old battle of youth and strength vs. old age and trickery. I have to take Dustin in this one, I saw Sabian get knocked on his ass by Colt Cabana a couple of weeks ago!
At this point, this match has been pretty much all Kip Sabian. I’m just not buying it. Even if Dustin had nothing left in the tank, he can still take this little prick. Dustin does his comeback and goes for a powerslam, but he can’t beat Kip just yet. I can’t help but think what a shame it would be if Dustin’s in-ring career were to end at the hands of this little twerp. His girlfriend can beat him up! Speaking of which, she gets into it with Brandi on the outside for some reason and Brandi disposes of her. Pretty sure it’s a rule that if Brandi shows up, they have to put her over. Dustin gets the win with the flippity flop piledriver! He doesn’t have to retire yet!
My Final Thoughts on AEW (4/22/2020)
Much like I expected, this show was pretty much hot garbage. I’m just glad Matt Hardy’s promo wasn’t completely ridiculous, or I would have stopped the show. Jericho killed it like always. All the matches on this show were basically meaningless, apart from the last match. Dustin gave Kip way too much in that match. I’m glad to see MJF again! The show can only get better when he’s on. What will they do next week? I don’t know, but if MJF shows up in any capacity I’ll suffer through whatever else is on just to see him. He’s gonna be champion one day!