AEW Dynamite Review #16 (4/8/2020) by Anthony S. DiSalvatore
Hello everybody, and welcome to another review of AEW Dynamite. Sorry not to be my usual chipper self, but to be honest, this show has barely been a show in the last two weeks. Three weeks ago, they absolutely nailed it! But the show has definitely declined since then. Matt Hardy’s in the middle of some teleporting nonsense. Jericho’s choosing to sell it, which makes him look bad. I love Chris, and he is much better than that. Not to mention the fact that my man MJF has been in Witness Protection for the last two weeks! No promos, no face time, nothing. The show has suffered as a direct result of leaving MJF off the show. Give that boy a chance, he can and will turn things around if you let him. Will MJF be on the show? Let’s find out!
The show opens with a promo from Jake Roberts. He essentially says that fighting Lance Archer is the same thing as jumping out of a plane without a parachute. This was a good promo, I wouldn’t expect anything less from Jake. Having said that, I don’t like him in this position. I’ll address exactly why in my Final Thought this week.
Match #1: Lance Archer vs. ???
Here comes Lance Archer for his match against some dude I’ve never seen before. This shouldn’t last long! Jake Roberts isn’t at ringside. I assume it’s because he’s a senior citizen, thus he’s susceptible to the Coronavirus. Chris Jericho is on commentary tonight, which should be worlds better than Cody or Omega. As short as this match is, Jericho does a great job putting over Lance’s power and athletic ability. Jericho doing a great job making all the scheduled matches for tonight sound important! Lance wins this match with an inverted Razor’s Edge.
Match #2: Dr. Britt Baker vs. Hikaru Shida
Here’s the newly heel Dr. Britt Baker, in what feels like her first match in about two years. No more promos with Schiavone, now she actually has to wrestle. I’m excited to see how much she’s grown in the ring since I started watching. Jericho says Shida’s hometown is a dump. That made me laugh. They keep putting over Britt because she’s a dentist. I wish they’d talk more about her wrestling. Everybody knows dentistry is the lowest rung on the doctor ladder. An Ace Frehley reference on commentary by Jericho! I knew that was coming! He’s a huge KISS fan, just like me!
Britt actually has the upper hand and she’s about to win, until she turns her back on her opponent, leaves the ring, and does a promo talking to Tony through the camera. STUPID! What a stupid move! NEVER turn your back on your opponent! I guess she’s not so smart after all. Britt Baker gets a busted nose in this match. It may be broken, I’m not sure. She’s really bleeding and I’m pretty sure it happened when Shida messed up a dropkick. Britt Baker has gone from Ace Frehly to Gene Simmons in this match! I love Chris on commentary for his KISS references alone. Shida wins with a running knee strike. I can remember a time when I used to carry a torch for Britt Baker, but that ship sailed a long time ago.
After a bunch of nonsense that took forever, we have a very well-produced video package for next week’s upcoming clash between Jake Hager and Jon Moxley for the AEW title. This will be a no holds barred match. The average person might think this favors Moxley, but Hager’s a two sport athlete and a legit moose, so I don’t think Moxley has a prayer in this one.
Match #2: Best Friends (w. Pockets) vs. Kenny Omega & Michael Nakazawa
The Pretentious Douche returns! With him as always is his good friend, who has an affinity for baby oil. Their opponents are the Ambiguously Gay Duo and Pockets, so nobody with a brain stem should care in the slightest about this match. I don’t! But because Omega is in it, it’ll go for a minimum of 15 minutes. As before, I won’t bore you with the countless near falls and finishing moves we’re bound to see. Shawn Spears is at ringside, reminding us he’s still looking for a partner because he can’t get over on his own. Nakazawa takes off his underwear and attempts to use it as a weapon. What the hell is this garbage? Best Friends win with their tag team finish. I’m beyond disgusted. Can we end this show, please? Either bring out MJF or stop the broadcast. He’s the only one who has a chance to save the show at this point. Even Jericho’s reached the point of no return now. If you’re still here and you haven’t left in disgust, let’s just hope this show doesn’t get any worse.
Another well-produced Jake Hager package next! This time, they’re putting over his new finisher. I’ll admit I’m partial to the ankle lock, but I like this triangle choke he’s using too. We see him using it both in AEW and Bellator. It is a legit submission move you could kill your opponent with and should be put over as such, so I’m all for this. Things are not looking so good for Moxley! His plan is to brawl against Hager, which I guess is his best chance to win because he has ZERO chance of ever coming close to outwrestling Hager, who has wrestled since the age of five. This did a very nice job helping to get the bad taste out of my mouth from the last segment.
Match #3: Brodie Lee vs. Lee Johnson
We all know where this one’s going. Brodie gives his opponent a big boot almost immediately. A nice suplex and side slam, then a discus clothesline for the win. Thank you for keeping this short! I can’t wait for this show to be over with.
Main Event: Cody vs. Shawn Spears
There was a video package before this match telling the fans watching all about their history, but I checked out of this show mentally over an hour ago, so I don’t care. I saw MJF during this video, but that doesn’t count as an appearance on this show. Three weeks running and he’s still not here. Is there really any question who’s going to win this match? Do I really need to cover it in detail? We all know where this is going. All knees must bow to Cody! It doesn’t matter if it takes 20 minutes or two seconds, Cody always wins in the end. It’s a good thing MJF hasn’t lost to Cody yet, but I fear it won’t be long before that happens. Cody wins with the Figure 4, but not by submission. Spears is apparently limited in some way and doesn’t realize his shoulders are on the mat, so Cody wins by pin. Spears was about to submit anyway, so really it’s two wins in one for Cody.
My Final Thoughts on AEW (4/8/2020)
I think it was last week when I described this show as abysmal. It’s somehow gotten even worse. Still, no MJF and these matches were all totally predictable, but there were some positives too. Jericho was great on commentary, and they did a great job building Jake Hager to make him look like a killing machine.
I said, in the beginning, I would address why I don’t like Jake as a manager. I know his promos are good, but a good promo doesn’t equal a good manager. Jake’s never managed anyone before, so he only knows how to get himself over, instead of the guy he’s working for. He doesn’t even mention Archer in his promos anymore. His delivery is flawless, but his content concerns me. There’s also the issue of Jake being comparable in size to Archer. Archer has to be at least 6’8, but Jake is easily 6’5, so Lance doesn’t look as big next to him. It’s a perspective thing. If any of these smaller guys knew how to talk, they’d be better options because they can make Lance look giant. I’m not mad at Jake because I know he’s never done this, I’m just saying there’s room for improvement. Don’t talk about yourself, talk about your man. Jake’s obviously not going to get in the ring and take bumps. Parts of this show made me sick to my stomach almost, so things should be better on the next program. Tune in next week and find out!