After a highly emotional last two weeks since that ridiculous football field thing, I’ve decided I’m only watching this show for MJF now. For those of you interested, I made a post on my personal Facebook page explaining exactly why I can’t defend Chris Jericho anymore. These AEW reviews of mine are officially hanging on by a thread unless MJF does something cool. In the rundown of tonight’s matches, he wasn’t even included. I’ll probably hate this show. Let’s see how the corpse of kayfabe will be defiled next on my AEW Dynamite results and review for 6/3/20.
Match #1: Kenny & Hangman vs. Kip Sabian and Jimmy Havok
Sabian and Havok won a match last week to be put into this position. Normally, I’d say something about them being thrown together and how they have a smaller chance to win on that basis, but as we know, Kenny and Hangman are thrown together too. The former Revival may come to AEW last week, but this tag division is looking super weak. I wish they were here right now. This tag team division is in desperate need of help.
We pan into the crowd and there they are RIGHT THERE! Their new names are Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler. Dax sucks, Cash is awesome. In any case, these guys are far more credible than any other team in this entire league. I could talk about these guys all day, but there’s a match going on. Kip’s girl tries to fight his battles for him AGAIN, but this time she gets ejected.
After she leaves the ref is still distracted for some reason and Havok hits Hangman with a wrench. What a weird weapon to use. Who hits someone with a wrench?! Hangman kicks out at two and this thing isn’t over yet. After a bunch of nonsense, Hangman and Kenny win again. MJF better be on soon, or I’ll be pissed. The Revival got some face time in the crowd for about five seconds total, but why would anybody care about them while there’s a tag team match going on? They’re just the best tag team in the entire promotion by default, but who cares? This whole show is going down the tubes man! We need you MJF!
Match #2: Brian Cage (w. Tazz) vs. Shawn Dean
This shouldn’t take long. Cage is here to send a message to Moxley a message for their upcoming title match. He wins in short order with a piledriver. Too bad that wasn’t Kenny! Tazz is here for a promo. He and Brian Cage aren’t here to play games. Moxley better watch his back. Moxley shows up for a confrontation and Tazz tries to talk him down. Even with a stern warning, Moxley enters the ring anyway. Big mistake. Moxley insists he won’t be intimidated. That’s pretty much the end of this segment!
Match #3: Chris Jericho vs. Colt Cabana
I can’t believe this match is actually happening. It’s sad how far Jericho has fallen. In just two weeks’ time I went from being a card-carrying member of the Inner Circle fan club to being disappointed in Jericho, and now he’s fighting underneath guys. I’m almost sorry about this, but I can’t forgive Chris after that football field thing. This match even goes to a commercial break, then when we get back Jericho has the upper hand thanks to Jake Hager. You gotta be kidding! Jericho can’t win against Colt freakin Cabana without Hager’s help?! This is a sad state of affairs for Jericho. Colt goes for some stupid flying pin, and Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.
He thinks he won, even though Colt reached the ropes. Jericho wins with the Judas Effect. Jericho does a promo on Tyson. I hope Tyson knocks him out, for no other reason than that STUPID football field thing two weeks ago. Jericho even calls out Tyson, but they didn’t pay Tyson enough to show up, so he gets Pockets. Pockets manage to elude all contact without doing anything. Jericho’s officially gone from the top to the bottom in about two weeks. First that football field thing, then Cabana, and now POCKETS?! It can’t get any worse!
Match #4: Nyla Rose vs. Big Swole
Did I say this couldn’t get any worse? Is anybody watching this show for Big Swole? Oh, nobody in the world? Thought so. At least Nyla will get a chance to wreck her shit after she lost her title! This match should be over within the first 30 seconds, but as always, it goes way too long. I don’t care what anybody says, Nyla is by far the biggest woman in this division and should have no problem beating every other woman here. It’s not even close! But all of her matches take way too long and it’s killing her. Just let her look dominant for once! Who’s booking this shit? I could book a better show than whoever’s in charge here and I could talk circles around the dick in the mask on commentary! It’s pissing me off!
Anyway, this match that should have been over within the first minute gets a commercial break. We come back and Big Swole is winning. That’s not a joke. A couple of near falls on Nyla Rose, but she finally spears Swole. Goes for the powerbomb, but Swole counters it. END THIS MATCH OR NYLA’S DEAD. She finally wins with a spinebuster. Not a minute too soon. On the bright side, Dr. Britt Baker was on stage this entire time. Swole gets some inexplicable promo time, but Britt Baker thankfully interrupts. She can’t wrestle, but she still found a way to save this thing. Nyla deserves much better than this.
And now for something I actually want to see: a sit down interview with the former Revival! The first question they’re asked is, what does FTR stand for? The short answer is nobody knows. They put over all the other tag teams in the division, save for the Lucha Bros, because they never tag in their matches. They’re especially mad at the Young Bucks. They’re not looking for a five star match or whatever, they just want to beat them in five seconds. I’m liking these guys more and more!
So why did they save the Young Bucks? The Reader’s Digest version is because they don’t want any excuses after they beat the shit out of the Young Bucks. Butcher and Blade show up pissed off, but they’re dressed like Val Venis from his Right to Censor days, so I can’t take them seriously. Cash says nothing personal, it was just business. I guess they got their first opponents next week!
Main Event: Jungle Boy vs. Cody
This match is for the TNT Championship, and it looks like Jungle Boy’s going solo. What’s that about? If Cody can bring his wife to ringside every time, how come Jungle Boy can’t bring Luchasaurus? During Cody’s entrance, we get a nice reaction shot of MJF! I knew I saw him earlier! Thought I dreamed that! Brandi didn’t show up this week, but Double A is here. Damn! I was looking forward to debuting my new segment this week called Shot of Brandi, but I guess that’ll have to wait until next week.
I’m still mad about MJF losing last week, but I won’t take it out on Jungle Boy. Everybody knows MJF can do everything right, but Jungle Boy hasn’t really had a chance to prove himself yet. Cody works the leg, then does the woo and steals the Figure 4. Charlotte’s gonna be pissed! He’s stealing her gimmick! I wonder how Josh DeBord feels about this. Jungle Boy fires up and goes for his multiple suicide dive thing, but Cody makes the fair catch and places him gently in the arms of Billy Gunn. Jungle Boy and Cody are brawling in the ringside area. Cody’s bleeding, but wait! MJF shows up in the crowd and gives Jungle Boy the business! He’s taking that battle royal loss very hard. I can’t blame him!
Back in the ring, Jungle Boy’s trying to put Cody away. He’s fighting dirty! Mounted punches to Cody while his hands are down, unable to protect himself. Cody’s much too powerful for that! He answers with a delayed superplex. We’re nearing the end of this thing. Cody goes for the Figure 4, but Jungle Boy blocks and both guys go to the top rope. Both guys take a tumble through a conveniently placed table on the floor, but both of them are still going. Cody wins with the Cross Rhodes. No surprise there, but this was a great showing for Jungle Boy. He’s still young, he’ll live to get over another day. Brandi showed up after all, alongside a ridiculous pyro. No doubt that was for Brandi. Look out for Shot of Brandi next week!
My Final Thoughts on AEW (6/3/2020)
This show was hot garbage, but the last match was passable. Still, I was only watching for MJF and I was very upset that he couldn’t be on, at least for a promo. He got some face time in the end, but it was too little too late for me. FTR looked good in their sitdown promo earlier! I can’t wait to see them destroy the Young Bucks.
I won’t be covering any wrestling tomorrow, but if you guys are looking for some wrestling content, check with our friends at RSH! When I was on last week and told the entire world how I felt about Pockets in no uncertain terms, but now, new AEE initiate Simon Powell (not the American Idol guy) is going to attempt to come on and defend him. It goes without saying I’ll be listening, and I’ll be prepared with a firm rebuttal. Will Simon say something that pisses me off? Will I have to come on next week and set him straight? Listen to RSH to find out!