Monday Night RAW Review #16 (4/6/2020) by Anthony S. DiSalvatore
Here we are again for another episode of RAW everybody, but this isn’t just any RAW episode, it’s the RAW after Wrestlemania! In recent years, they’ve used this episode to debut new wrestlers, to varying results. I’m not sure they’ll do that with no people, but I’m very interested in seeing how they follow up everything we saw this weekend. Everybody and their brother is talking about the Boneyard Match between Undertaker and AJ Styles, and whatever the hell that was between Bray Wyatt and Cena. Like most of you, there’s only one question on my mind: how can they top that?! Let’s find out!
Match #1: Asuka vs. Liv Morgan
Perfect, just the way I wanted to start the night. I missed it yesterday, but Liv Morgan did beat Natalya in the pre-show match, so it looks like she’s going places. Also, she looks incredible in that outfit. From what I saw in this match, Liv looks to be improving in the ring. Having said that, I’d rather see her as a manager. I don’t know about her doing a promo yet, but that seems like a better use of Liv to me. I could be wrong, maybe she’s the next Trish Stratus, but I’m not holding my breath. Asuka wins with the crossface chickenwing.
Match #2: Street Prophets vs. Austin Theory & Angel Garza (w. Zelina Vega)
The Wrestlemania rematch nobody asked for! Yawn. I’d rather watch a replay of the Boneyard match. Man, it was great to see Undertaker kicking ass like that again. How much longer will this rivalry last? I don’t know much about Austin Theory, other than he’s very young and has a very stupid name. He’s also a walking charisma vacuum, so he probably won’t make it too far, but being stuck in a thrown together tag team going nowhere isn’t helping either. I almost forgot it’s time for another Zelina Vega Outfit Watch! She’s wearing what looks like a swimsuit, but she pulls it off like always. She’s far too talented to be stuck with these nobodies. Zelina gets caught trying to interfere and the match gets thrown out. Shortly after this, Bianca Belair comes out for a promo. Not sure what she has to do with this. She has a lot of attitude and personality in her promo, I just don’t have any idea what she’s talking about. Moving on.
Match #3: Bianca Belair vs. Zelina Vega
This match shouldn’t last too long. In one corner, we have Bianca, who I watched wreck a lot of people in the ladies’ Royal Rumble match. And in the other, we have Zelina Vega, who is not only tiny (and gorgeous), but she’s not a wrestler. Yes, I know she can wrestle. She was in TNA for a while and I saw her work. She’s talented, but she’s only ever been portrayed as a manager here. I do think it’s nice that she gets a chance to show what she can do. I know she can promo and wrestle, so I wish they’d just let her be on her own as a wrestler. It’s not working out with Andrade anyway. I tried to pay attention to what was happening in this match, but the Street Prophets are out there yelling, so it’s very distracting. This match is once again interrupted, and the ref throws it out. Montez lays out a challenge for a six-man tag team match next. What the hell? Just have the six-man tag first and save an hour! That’s an hour of my life I can’t get back.
Match #4: Street Prophets & Bianca Belair vs. Angel Garza, Austin Theory, & Zelina Vega
I hope this is over soon. The Street Prophets are starting to piss me off. They keep playing to a crowd that’s not there and Ford’s a spaz. He’s best in small doses and I’ve had enough at this point. These guys are aging me horribly. I’m starting to dread every single one of their segments. I was a big supporter of Montez Ford at first, but he’s more of annoyance to me at this point. Bianca wins over Zelina with the KOD. Kill on Delivery! I like it. This segment is finally over with.
Match #5: Aliester Black vs. Apollo Crews
Speaking of someone I’m getting sick of, but the thought was cool at first: Aleister Black is up next! I’ve completely checked out of everything he does. No promo skills or discernable charisma. A bunch of kicks and that’s it. And he never loses a match either. Charlotte’s gonna get jealous if this keeps up! This match went way longer than any Apollo Crews match ever has, but I won’t blame them since I know they have to fill for time. That’s been painfully obvious for this entire broadcast. Hopefully whatever the main event is will be worth the wait. After a ton of stalling and multiple commercial breaks, Aleister Black finally goes for the Kick of Death, but Apollo moves. Why he didn’t try that immediately after the match started is beyond me. He always does that! Again, it’s down to them having to stall to fill time. Apollo tries his finishing move and twice and Aleister Black kicks out both times. Charlotte is green with jealous rage right now! This match was so long it was almost cruel, but Aleister wins with the Kick of Death anyway. Whatever! I’m sure this show will only get better from here. It can’t get much worse!
Match #6: Cedric Alexander & Ricochet vs. Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch
I don’t know who these other guys are, but I’ve had it with these pointless tag team matches. They always seem to last forever. Even the commentary team doesn’t seem interested at this point. This match is a bunch of flips and nonsense. Moving faster than the announcers can talk doesn’t do you any good. Ricochet gets the pin on one of the other guys. I don’t know which one’s which and I don’t care.
Match #7: Seth Rollins vs. ???
Seth is out first, and he looks like a small child whose pet just died. He’s up against some dude from NXT. This match goes outside briefly, then they come back and Seth wins with the curb stomp. Maybe when the crowds come back, they should let the underneath guys from NXT come on and lay down for the top guys. They need the experience and it’ll help them being in front of a larger audience. But forget about all that, because I just saw a promo for Nia Jax’s return NEXT!
Match #8: Nia Jax vs. Deonna Purazzo
This match shouldn’t last long! Nia is looking as gorgeous as ever. It’s a shame she’s killing the Italian girl Charlotte tapped out a couple of months ago, but she needs a victim. This match goes about how you’d expect. Nia wins with a DDT, preceded by a Samoan drop. Keep the change!
Match #9: Humberto Carrillo vs. ???
Oh no, it’s the Kiss of Death incarnate. I thought he was dead! I don’t know who this other guy is. Another NXT prospect, but this guy isn’t like the others. He’s massive! He looks like Drew Gulak in a funhouse mirror. Another short and sweet match that ends when Carrillo pins the big guy after a moonsault. Even though there are no people here, the reaction’s about the same as it would be if it were a full house.
Main Event: Drew McIntyre vs. Big Show
This is a little hard to explain, but stay with me. We flashback to last night when Drew won the WWE title from Brock Lesnar. He’s in the ring talking some nonsense about not feeling pain or whatever, and then Big Show comes out and challenges him for the title right then! Drew relents at first until Big Show smacks him around. So now we have a title match, but it’s happening yesterday. It’s really weird.
Of course, this is approximately 20 minutes after Drew won the title, so he’s very tired. Big Show’s perfectly fine, so this should be academic. I’m actually ok with Big Show winning the title once more. I JUST put him over in my NOT Hall of Famers countdown for his longevity and boom! He’s here in a title match. Big Show’s working Drew’s body with ham fists and body slams. Drew is a huge man, but Big Show slams him with ease. Big Show’s yelling at Drew while he’s down. In a twisted sort of way, this might kinda motivate Drew to prove Big Show wrong. Big Show goes for the chokeslam, but Drew slips out the back and body slams, Big Show! I know he’s slimmed down some, but he still has to be in the 400-pound neighborhood. Drew goes for the Claymore, but Big Show intercepts him with a chokeslam. He goes for the Steam Punch, but Drew ducks and gives a Claymore. This match is over and so is this show.
My Final Thoughts on RAW (4/6/2020)
This show was absolutely abysmal until Big Show showed up at the end. That part wasn’t even live, but it was still the best match on the show. I’m intrigued to see where Brock Lesnar and Seth Rollins go after this. No coverage of the Firefly Fun House match on this show, but I assume they’ll have it on Smackdown this Friday. Tune in with me to find out!