Another Monday night, another wrestling show, and tonight is my overly opinionated WWE Raw Results and Review 5/18/20. The team hasn’t gotten rid of me yet, so here I am! Last week, we ended on a blackout after my man Randy Orton challenged Edge to a straight-up wrestling match at Backlash. The show cut off before Edge got a chance to answer. It was like the series finale of the Sopranos. But you don’t wanna hear about that right here, let’s just see what happens next!
Orton and Edge
The show opens right where we left off last week. Maybe they were running low on time at the end of the show? Randy Orton comes out to the ring. The interviewer asks Orton to clarify what he meant by “straight-up wrestling match” last week. I used to like that girl, but I guess she’s not very bright. Does Randy have to draw you a picture? We essentially get the same promo we got last week. Orton now directly addresses the camera. He says he saw doubt in Edge’s eyes last week. I believe it! Edge didn’t answer right away. Good thing Edge is here right now to clear everything up! Edge goes with the old standard: Randy was handed everything. I’m sick of hearing that. He may have gotten hired based on his name, but his ability is what has kept him around for this long. Edge claims Orton doesn’t love pro wrestling. Orton’s had enough of this shit, so he asks Edge for an answer, and Edge responds in the affirmative. Was that so hard? Did Edge have to get all caught up in his feelings again? At Backlash, it’ll be time for Edge to take his medicine.
Out next is Seth Rollins and his good friend, Buddy Murphy! Seth said backstage he had a sudden revelation and invited Buddy out to the ring with him. Seth is doing another monotone promo. He’s seen the light thanks entirely to Rey Mysterio. I don’t see where he’s going with this. I’ll admit he’s nicely dressed for this. If he put his hair down, he’d look like John Wick. He attacked Rey out of necessity. The Kiss of Death shows up! Humberto Carrillo has had enough of this! He challenges Rollins to a match RIGHT NOW! But Seth is clearly not dressed for this, so he’s gonna let Murphy handle his light-weight.
Match #1: Buddy Murphy vs. Humberto Carrillo
Good call Rollins! Don’t even bother with this punk. That’s what Buddy’s here for. We come back from a commercial break and this match is already in progress. Can’t blame you, Buddy, get out of there as soon as possible. It’s all Buddy Murphy in the beginning and Seth looks pleased. Carrillo sets up for some big springboard move, but Rollins walks toward him very slowly and stares into his soul. It’s like the Children of the Corn! Buddy wins with his finishing move after the distraction. Short and sweet, Carrillo loses again. Sunrise, sunset.
Gird your loins, Josh DeBord! Charlotte is out next. She’s dressed to wrestle, but why not wow everyone at home with another riveting promo? Charlotte calls out Ruby Riot, who’s apparently pissed off at her for some reason. It must be something that happened on Twitter. I’m convinced Twitter is a cult, so I’m out of the loop. We have our next match.
Match #2: Charlotte vs. Ruby Riot
Do we really need to have this match? We all know where it’s going! Does anybody really believe Ruby has a match against Charlotte “I Never Lose Matches” Flair? How many times must we do this dance? Ruby tries for some small joint manipulation, but that’ll never work. Charlotte’s MUCH too powerful for that. Ruby couldn’t win this match with a shotgun and a head start. Charlotte wins with her Figure 4, complete with a pointless backbend. Was there ever any doubt?
We come back from another commercial to find Kairi Sane in the ring with a bunch of balloons. She introduces Asuka, who was gifted the RAW lady’s title last week. Asuka has now won all the titles in her division. BUT WAIT! Nia Jax interrupts and says Asuka didn’t earn anything, she was just handed the title after being in the right place at the right time. Nailed it! They tangle and Asuka gets the upper hand, so Nia decides to leave. I guess we have Asuka’s first challenger for her title!
Match #3: R-Truth vs. Bobby Lashley
Truth did a promo on Tom Brady before this match started. Leave my man out of this! Now I want Bobby to destroy him. Bobby slams Truth into the ring post HARD. Bobby looks to be reinvigorated after his run-in with MVP earlier in the backstage area. Truth gets paint brushed and tries to fire up, but Bobby puts him in a full nelson for the submission. Nicely done! Bobby’s making that hold work. It’s not hard for him, he does have an incredibly strong upper body. MVP shows up and gives Lashley a round of applause on the stage.
Match #4: IIconics vs. Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross
Here we go again. This match is for the women’s tag team titles. This division has been dead for ages, but with the Iconics coming back, they have a chance to make people care again. In order to do that, the Iconics have to win. I think deep down, a lot of people are getting sick of seeing Bliss & Cross with the titles. Billie Kay gets popped from downtown, and Bliss goes to the top for her finishing move. Bliss gets two and Peyton makes the save, but then she takes it too far and gets disqualified. For some reason, she’s upset. Knock if off Peyton, the ref warned you multiple times. I guess we won’t be seeing these two for a few more months after this.
Match #5: Shayna Baszler vs. Natalya
Last week, Natalya got her ass kicked and she’s pretty mad about it. But this match can only be won by submission. It’ll be the Sharpshooter vs. Shayna’s rear-naked choke. Natalya might know some tricks on the mat, but she’s no cage fighter. Normally I might feel bad for Natalya here. But this is her own fault! If she hadn’t inserted herself into Becky’s personal business, she wouldn’t be here right now. Baszler’s looking great in the early going. She applies an ankle lock, but Natalya fights out. Shayna gets too cocky and tries to give Natalya her own Sharpshooter, but Natalya reverses it. Apparently, there’s no rope break in this match. Shayna has to pull herself to the outside. Natalya attempts a kneebar, but Shayna manages to get the rear-naked choke on and this is over with. Even though this match was short, it was well done. I’m still mad Shayna lost in her title match with Becky.
Kevin Owens is out next for his own talking segment. He’s supposed to talk to the A-Team, but Natalya wrecked his set for no reason whatsoever. It’s time for another Zelina Vega Outfit Watch! This week, she’s wearing a sparkly sport coat with what appears to be no bottoms, but I know better than that. She looks like a sexy lawyer. No frills this week, Zelina has had with all these stupid assumptions about her A-Team. She assures us everything is fine. Hell, Andrade is still champion, even after being suspended, injured, and left off the Wrestlemania card entirely! Kevin doesn’t need to be involved in this at all. Zelina Vega is killing it! So much attitude in this promo. Apollo Crews comes out next and he goes right after Andrade. At least we didn’t have to hear him talk!
Match #6: Kevin Owens & Apollo Crews vs. Andrade & Angel Garza
Let’s go A-Team! Owens and Crews are outnumbered, plus they’ve never teamed up before. This shouldn’t take long. Crews tags in pretty early for a big comeback. Austin Theory tries to get involved on the outside, but he accidentally nails Garza. Crews wins with a powerbomb. DAMMIT! Andrade gets upset after the match is over and he and Garza both attack Theory. Good call! This kid doesn’t belong on the team anymore. He just cost them a big match. Zelina even gives him the business while he’s getting beaten up. That’s what you get son. Back to the developmental league with you.
Match #7: Buddy Murphy vs. Aleister Black
The more things change, the more they stay the same. Aliester Black and Buddy Murphy are meeting again. And don’t forget Seth Rollins! This match goes to the outside and Black accidentally kicks the ring post. Idiot! Austin Theory is still on the outside looking all depressed. He needs a ride home, so I guess he’s going with Rollins. Aliester goes for the Kick of Death, but Rolllins tells Theory to interrupt this match. Looks like Seth has found a new ally! Better watch out Austin, Buddy’s about to get jealous. Sometimes I imagine Buddy sleeping at Seth’s feet like a kitten. I guess the foot of Seth’s bed is about to get crowded.
Main Event: Baron Corbin vs. Drew McIntyre
For some reason, Corbin’s been taking credit for Drew’s recent success for weeks now. He claims to have mentored him. Is he talking about the time Drew and Lashley did his dirty work and Drew looked like he’d rather be anywhere else but there? Speaking of Lashley, he and MVP interrupt before the match starts. Lashley warns Drew he’s coming for the title next. Now we’re talking! You’d think I’d be excited to see two big powerful guys tangle in a main event match, but I’ve just about given up on McIntyre at this point. His promos are right out of the babyface handbook. Looks like he’s reading a Mad Lib somebody else has filled out. Corbin’s been getting on my nerves for a long time now, but at least Samoa Joe is on commentary dropping knowledge on those other two guys.
Corbin does his run around the ring and clothesline thing but Drew kicks out at one again. I guess he’s just gonna do that every match from now on. The announcers talk about his ability to absorb punishment, but let’s be clear about this. Baron Corbin is no Brock Lesnar. When Brock was beating up McIntyre it looked brutal, but with Corbin, it looks like child’s play. Corbin yells in Drew’s face and that’s it. Time for a comeback! Corbin’s doing everything he can, but Drew keeps kicking out at one. This is getting old. Claymore and this match is over. SHOCKER!
My Final Thoughts on RAW 5/18/2020
This entire show pretty much kept to the status quo. A lot of the same stuff I’ve seen in the past already, but I’m excited to see what happens next with Lashley and MVP, where the A-Team goes from here, and how Buddy Murphy adjusts to Seth’s new charge. There was also a pointless ax-throwing segment between the Street Prophets and Vikings, but the less I say about that the better. Aside from that unfortunate business, not much for me to tear apart this week. Next week Apollo Crews gets a US title match and Lashley will begin his pursuit of Drew’s title. I’ll be here to cover it even if it sucks! Come back Wednesday to see my coverage of AEW Dynamite!