Hello everybody, and welcome to yet another overly opinionated WWE RAW Review! This week, Seth Rollins will meet Aleister Black one on one (yawn). But the major hook tonight is Rey Mysterio’s retirement ceremony! As wrestling fans, we all know how these things usually go, so the question isn’t will he retire, it’s what will go wrong during the announcement? Will Seth Rollins get involved? Will Rey Mysterio’s son get involved and talk him off the ledge once again? Let’s get into tonight’s WWE Raw results from 6/1/20!
The show opens with a Seth Rollins promo. He puts Rey over, but only in a roundabout way since he keeps talking in circles. We see a nicely done video tribute, which then cuts to Rollins trying to take his eye out. I’m calling it now: Mysterio’s not retiring, and he’ll fight Seth Rollins at Backlash. Here comes Aleister Black, and we have our first match.
Match #1: Seth Rollins vs. Aleister Black
Aleister isn’t playing around! Even though he’s portrayed as a loner and has no real friends, he’s getting very defensive over this Mysterio thing for some reason. He didn’t even wait for his entrance! Nice to see him not act like a robot for once. I thought this match would suck, but maybe it’ll actually be worth watching. Rollins is a dick these days, but he’s clever and he never walks alone anymore. I have to take him in this one. Rollins bails out in the beginning. That’s smart wrestling! Can’t let Aleister Black start dictating the pace. Seth’s peons make the distraction and now he’s in control. He has this well in hand before the Kiss of Death shows up! Humberto Carrillo is here, but instead of letting his men beat the shit out of him once and for all, Seth calls them off. What’s the point of having them there?
This match is very fast-paced with lots of moves and very little selling. I don’t think Aleister Black’s even been pinned yet (besides the 3 on 1 lose to AJ, CORAL, and Luke). At this point, you may have to hit him with a truck to beat him. Aleister does a moonsault to the floor and we go to our second commercial break of this match. We come back to find Seth Rollins going for his flying knee off the ropes and Aleister Black bops him in mid-air. Carrillo sticks his nose in it, but Seth’s men intervene. During the chaos, Aleister Black wins with a CRUSHING rollup. Rollins and his guys beat them both up. Up yours Carrillo!
Next is a promo from Angel Garza, following up on last week when he interrupted Apollo’s US title win for no reason. He’s hitting on the interviewer chick again, but I don’t think he’ll ever follow through with this. I’m pretty sure he’s impotent. But she does look good tonight, even better than Zelina Vega. I’m sorry, but what the hell is she doing with her hair? It’s ridiculous.
We have a promo from Shawn Michaels, which I’m only bringing up because Anthony Hensley loves him. I for one am getting tired of seeing him show up in this capacity, but he’s here to give us his two cents on the upcoming match between Edge and Orton (even though nobody asked). For the record, he’s going for Edge, which is exactly why nobody should ever listen to anything Michaels ever says.
The parade of promos continues with the brand new US champion, Apollo Crews! He’s here to defend his title, and he gets to pick his own opponent out of a hat! Great news! Where’s Zack Ryder? It took forever for Apollo to win that, so I wouldn’t blame him for taking the easy way out. Nope, it’s Kevin Owens. Great.
Match #2: Apollo Crews vs. Kevin Owens
Apollo has to be the sentimental favorite here, it took him years to get to this point. Nobody likes Owens anyway. This match doesn’t take long before Owens clearly kicks Apollo right in the balls. For some reason, the ref has trouble seeing it, even with instant replay. Shouldn’t this match be thrown out? It’s not, and Apollo’s pissed! We go to another commercial just as things are heating up. We come back and they’re trading punches in the middle of the ring. I still say this thing should have been thrown out. After a flippity flop out of NOWHERE, Kevin goes for his powerbomb but comes up empty. Apollo gives him his own flippity flop, then gets two. I can’t even follow this anymore. All of this makes no difference because the A-Team shows up to cause a disqualification.
Match #3: Apollo Crews & Kevin Owens vs. A-Team
I guess this match is happening now! Who would have guessed all it would take for Owens and Apollo to become the closest of friends was a blatant kick to the balls? The announcers are talking about Twitter. It’s a cult, you can’t fool me! Andrade’s working the knee of Owens, which is still injured from last week. Smart move! Not to mention Owens and Apollo have to be tired after their first match. After a distraction from Garza, Andrade goes for the devastating rollup, but Apollo gives him a powerbomb for the win instead. The crowd was dead for both of these last two matches. What’s next?
Match #4: Nikki Cross (w. Alexa Bliss) vs. Billie Kay (w. Peyton Royce)
This match was supposed to take place sooner than it did, but because all the participants were backstage bickering like school children, they had to take another commercial break so they could all compose themselves. Normally, I’d make a joke about how low my expectations are for this match, but after that football field thing I’ll take what I can get at this point. Billie Kay almost wins this thing with a big boot! That was unexpected. You don’t normally see that in a girl’s match! Nikki Cross goes for a cross-body block, but she misses and Billie Kay wins with a spinebuster. Moving on!
We finally get the promo from Rey Mysterio that’s been plugged since last week. He’s asked by Samoa Joe very bluntly if he plans to retire, but he leaves the answer ambiguous. He gets overly dramatic towards Seth and now this is like a poorly acted school play. Mysterio’s son shows up to stick his nose in it. He throws a thinly veiled threat in Seth’s direction, which won’t end well for him. Seth should come for him next. This promo was terrible! Very poor delivery, and we got no real answers!
Match #5: Nia Jax vs. Kairi Sane
Nia did a promo before this match that I thought was great! She hit the rest of this ladies’ division with some TRUTH! Asuka was handed the title for no reason and Nia’s the bad guy for talking about it? What’s that about? We all saw Becky give her the title out of nowhere! Nia uses her size right away, and I don’t see Kairi Sane lasting very long. She does apply a sleeper, but she can’t get the submission. I can tell Kairi’s pissed after Nia beat her up last week, but she’ll run out of steam soon. Kairi goes for her top rope elbow drop, but Nia bails. Smart! Nia wins this match with a leg drop. Boom! Don’t you ever try that again! Asuka shows up to save her friend. You’re about two minutes too late! Nia leaves because she’s made her point already. We’ll see you at Backlash, Asuka. You won’t be champion for long if Nia Jax has anything to say about it!
Match #6: Charlotte vs. Asuka
Just when I thought this show couldn’t get any worse, I can already hear Josh DeBord screaming from here! This is a champion vs. champion match, for those of you who are into that sort of thing. Charlotte gives us another Stepford wife promo. Terrible! She runs through Asuka’s entire resume (which we all already knew because the announcers remind us every week). Basically, her whole point is she beat Asuka once like four years ago and she still won’t shut up about it.
We all know where this is going by now. It’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that Charlotte will win this thing, which is why we at the website refer to her as Charlottte “I Never Lose Matches” Flair. Asuka keeps trying for a bunch of different submissions, but Charlotte’s much too powerful for any of that. Charlotte goes for the Figure 4, but Asuka escapes. After she bails to the outside, Asuka’s music plays. I was sure it was James Ellsworth coming back for round two, but nope! It’s Nia Jax again! She shitcans Asuka on the outside.
Main Event: MVP vs. Drew McIntyre
Some people just never learn! MVP has brought Bobby with him at least, so he has some quality backup. Everything looks fine until Lana shows up. She’s had a couple of backstage segments tonight, but I’ve been muting them so my ears don’t hurt anymore. Drew gives Bobby and MVP a flippity flop to the outside. Drew gives MVP the Claymore, complete with pointless countdown. Bobby gives Drew the full nelson and we fade to black.
My Final Thoughts on RAW (6/1/2020)
What a drag this show was. None of these matches were particularly exciting, and none of the promos wowed me. I spaced out halfway through. Having Lana on this thing made it even worse, even if she was on mute. Not much else to say, this show was just boring. Hopefully, it’s better next week. Please don’t let Lana talk anymore, she is useless. The strongest part of this show by far was Nia Jax. See you next week!