Welcome to yet another Coronavirus PANIC edition of my Smackdown review!
It’s May now, and the virus guidelines have been extended even further, which means you’re all stuck at home dying of boredom. So, I’ll take it upon myself to entertain you in the way that only I can. On tonight’s show, we’ll see some more Money in the Bank qualifying matches, along with the next chapter in the story of Mandy Rose & Otis. BUT WAIT! What will happen next between Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman? I’ve been calling for this match since the Fiend character first appeared and I can’t wait!
The show opens with Daniel Bryan out for a promo! Even though there’s no crowd here, opening the show with him is probably the best move. I can still hear Yes chants in my head during his entrance! Bryan tells us how much he loves to take on new challenges. He’s very excited about this year’s MITB match, which of course will take place in Vince McMahon’s office building. Bryan is all worked up for this match, but he’s also sad that his good friend Drew Gulak won’t get a chance to be in the match this year. Bryan’s gonna fight against Corbin on Gulak’s behalf! What a good friend he is. Before this match starts, I’d just like to say I’m impressed with Bryan’s promos. He’s really come a long way since he first started here. The people can believe in him because he always speaks from the heart. Bring back, Eco-Terrorist Bryan! I loved that shit!
Match #1: Daniel Bryan vs. Baron Corbin
These kinds of matches are always fun to watch, and Bryan’s the best at it. A big powerful guy trying to beat up a little quick technical guy who refuses to give up! Predictably, this match opens with Corbin trying to push Bryan around, but Bryan goes right for the leg. Smart wrestling! You can’t fight if you can’t stand up! Bryan is pretty pugnacious, so I know he won’t let this go. Corbin better pack a lunch. This another great match by Bryan. Every time Corbin tries to use his power, Bryan takes him down and wraps him up. TECHNIQUE!
Only one thing can stop Bryan now: going outside the ring. He’s not nearly as effective without being able to use his submissions. We come back from commercial to see Corbin finally has the upper hand. Don’t worry, it won’t last long. Corbin’s a boxer, he can’t outwrestle Bryan if his life depended on it. Corbin goes for his run around the ring clothesline, but Bryan intercepts him with a dive to the outside. Bryan continues to work Corbin’s leg. He’s an expert at this. He applies the ankle lock! Corbin doesn’t submit, but after that move, he won’t be going anywhere too fast for a while. This match goes outside the ring, but Bryan keeps getting the upper hand at every turn. Corbin gets frustrated and throws a conveniently placed ladder at Bryan and gets disqualified. I can’t blame him there, Bryan was wrecking his shit!
After the match, Corbin tries to get the upper hand on Bryan, but he gets wrapped up again! Corbin needs some help here, and Cesaro and Nakamura are happy to oblige. Where’s Sami Zayn during all this? Corbin can’t just use his guys without running it by him first! It takes three guys to put Bryan down. He’s looking really good going into Money in the Bank!
The Firefly Fun House Returns!
This segment opens up with Braun Strowman addressing Bray Wyatt. He says Bray’s name three times, so she shows up on the big screen! This week, Bray reads us a story about a handsome charismatic shepherd who found a lonely black sheep and raised it or whatever. It’s all a metaphor for how Bray felt after Braun left him. You see where this is going. Bray says he’ll be taking the Black Sheep to the slaughterhouse in their title match. Extra points for Bray Wyatt wearing silly reading glasses!
Match #2: Sheamus vs. Leon Ruff
Sheamus is here looking jacked with his sweet muttonstache! He’s staring a hole in Michael Cole. Will he finally beat up Cole once and for all when he’s done with this little punk? He roughed him up some last week, but they keep showing Jeff Hardy videos, so I guess he’s not done yet. Sheamus wins this thing with a Brogue Kick, and they better not even try to show anything Jeff Hardy related this time. Last week was Michael Cole’s last warning. If he tries it again, Sheamus is coming back out here. They show another Jeff Hardy tribute and we come back to see Sheamus standing RIGHT next to Cole looking upset. I warned you! We can confirm Jeff will be back next week, and Sheamus will be there to greet him when he shows up. Jeff doesn’t even know what he’s started.
Match #3: Carmella vs. Mandy Rose
Wait, is Mandy supposed to be a babyface now? Just because she’s running with Otis? Are we all just supposed to forget she dumped him for Dolph?! I hate everything about her. Otis should have kicked her to the curb after she dumped him and tried to come crying back. That’s what you get for being a two-timer. Mandy gets the upper hand, but Sonya shows up to do God’s work! She makes a distraction so Carmella can get the win. Sonya attacks Mandy after the match and it’s great. I hate her so much! Jamie Noble shows up to break it up. Good to see him again. J&J Security is BACK!
Match #4: Forgotten Sons vs. New Day
I would say it’s obvious how this match should go, but I’ve been surprised by New Day winning before. Let’s not forget how upset I got when Miz and Johnny lost the tag team titles! Speaking of Miz and Johnny, they are on commentary, which is the only reason why I’m even here at this point. For some reason, Ryker is being used as a managerial role for the Forgotten Sons, even though he’s the most intimidating one in the group. I totally hate the New Day now, so I can’t get into any of their matches. I just want this one to be over. The Forgotten Sons thankfully win this thing and they’re looking for a tag team title match next. I’m all for it as long as any other team except the New Day becomes tag team champions for a little while.
Main Event: Otis vs. Dolph Ziggler
This is another qualifying match for the Money in the Bank match coming up. It was preceded by a promo with Dolph and Sonya Deville, which was probably important but I have no clue what they said, so I can’t comment on it. You know how I feel about this match. I’ve been behind Otis since the beginning. Ziggler is flying all over the place for Otis. If Otis qualifies for the Money in the Bank match, he’ll win the whole thing. You heard it here first! Ziggler eventually gets the upper hand via nefarious means on the floor. We come back from commercial and Otis and down with Dolph on his back. He gives Otis the Zig Zag but Otis kicks out at 2. Dolph decides to go for the superkick that he invented, but Otis blocks it and beats Dolph with his elbow drop. You know what this means, Otis is in the Money in the Bank match and he’s gonna win the entire thing.
My Final Thoughts on Smackdown (5/1/2020)
This show was very good for the first hour. As a matter of fact, it was a breeze. I couldn’t believe it went by so fast, but the second hour was rough. I started getting fatigued right around the time New Day showed up. They badly need to go their separate ways. Good thing Miz and Johnny were there, or I would have tuned out completely. Look out this coming Monday, there’s a gauntlet match to replace the injured Apollo Crews in the Money in the Bank match! I’ll be there to tell you what happens next