Another Friday evening, another wrestling show! After an unexpected power outage around midday today, you guys have no idea how close I was to not being able to report on this show. But you don’t wanna hear about that right here! Let’s get into what’s on tap for tonight, WWE Smackdown Results 5/22/20! We’ll see a continuation of the Intercontinental Championship tournament! Daniel Bryan will show us he can still go, even at 39! Sheamus will finally obliterate Jeff Hardy once and for all! But enough of all this teasing, let’s get on with the show.
The show opens with another edition of the Dirt Sheet, starring my men, Miz and Johnny! Miz decides to call out Braun Strowman (not the smartest idea) since Braun found it in his heart to team up with Otis against them last week. They bring up that Bray Wyatt replaced Braun with a bunch of puppets. They’re not wrong, but I still wouldn’t want to piss Braun off. One tiny dick joke later, Braun is here and he’s had enough of this shit! RUN MIZ!
Luckily for Miz, Braun has a sense of humor about this whole thing. He still hijacks the show, and insists they ask him about Bray Wyatt. Why does he need to be prompted? Just do a promo on Bray! Miz reminds us all that he has fought Bray Wyatt before. Wow, I didn’t even remember that! Johnny bows up to Braun and admittedly does a hell of a promo on him. You know where this is going, Braun’s gonna fight Miz one on one. Get these hands and so forth.
Match #1: Braun Strowman vs. Miz (w. Johnny)
This should be a fairly entertaining game of cat and mouse. Miz is like a son to me, but there’s no way he can stand up against Strowman. If Braun leaves his feet in this match, I’ll be impressed. Braun goes to the outside and Johnny gives him the Flying Chuck, but Braun still doesn’t go down. Miz flies in with a double ax handle, but Braun doesn’t go down until Miz kicks his knee out. Miz goes for the DDT, but it doesn’t work. Braun may not have any technical ability to speak of, but you’d have to look all over to find anybody who’s not named Mark Henry that can match power with Braun. Running powerslam ends this thing. BUT WAIT! Johnny’s on the microphone again! He gives Braun a challenge for Backlash: He and Miz against Braun, in a handicap match for the Universal title! Braun accepts, but it’s important to note that this match hasn’t been approved yet.
Match #2: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Moving right along, we have our second match of the night! This is another first-round tournament match for the Intercontinental title. Sami Zayn may not be here, but his man Nakamura still has a chance to win. This is not the first time these two have met, I just hope Styles is wearing a cup this time. Let’s just hope he’s learned his lesson by now. These guys are wasting no time getting physical. I’m all for it! No nonsense, just beat the shit out of each other! Something tells me this match won’t end cleanly. Both of these two have had questionable careers in my mind since their last meeting. Nakamura won the Royal Rumble, but couldn’t beat Styles. Styles beat everyone, but then lost his title to Jinder Mahal. How will Styles carry on without his good friends Luke and Coral?!
Nakamura does that sweet sliding German suplex move! I like it, but I’m not sure what to make of all his gesticulating. He’s in Kenny Omega territory for me right now, even though I know he could wreck Kenny if he wanted. Even so, this is not the Nakamura of years past. It’s been forever since he actually won a match. Even though in my heart I want Nakamura to win this thing, it only makes sense for Styles to win. Fast-paced, hard-hitting offense from Styles keeps him in this match. Styles applies the Calf Crusher, but Nakamura reaches the ropes. Nakamura gives Styles a flying knee off ropes, then he sets up for Knee to Face. He doesn’t get all of it, though. He sets up for a second time, but Styles turns it into a cover, and Nakamura transitions into a triangle choke. Styles somehow turns it into a Styles Clash, which is the worst finishing move in the world. Long, complicated setup that requires obvious cooperation, all for a move that slams you on your stomach. It’s ridiculous. But it rocked Nakamura enough that Styles is able to beat him with a forearm smash off the ropes. Maybe Sami Zayn could have prevented this! I want Luke and Coral back.
Match #3: Charlotte vs. Bayley
Here it comes, the champion vs. champion match we were all promised last week. I know, it’ll be hard to get through seeing Charlotte on yet another broadcast, but we’ll get through this together. I can hear Josh DeBord proclaiming his love for Charlotte from here! This match starts with Bayley stealing the Flair strut. Oh boy, that’ll make Charlotte awful sore. Everybody knows she invented it! The biggest problem with this match for me is I can’t tell who the heel is. Bayley’s been heeling on small children for months now, but Charlotte’s been an uppity smart mouth bitch for years, so it’s hard to call.
Charlotte eventually goes up for her moonsault, but we all know that move only works on the pay per views. We get another bunch of moves and kickouts. I’m bored of this match by this point, but I’ll admit I’m coming around on Bayley’s heel run. I loved it when she heeled on Lacey’s daughter and she has a much more pronounced mean streak. I can’t argue with her success either. I’d rather watch her than Charlotte, but that’s not saying much. I’d rather have a root canal with no anesthetic than watch Charlotte wrestles again. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more chipper for this match, it’s just killing me inside. These two do so many moves to each other that they have to start stealing each other’s moves. This seems excessive. The finish finally comes when Bayley goes for the old O’Connor roll and grab the ropes move! It works and Charlotte LOSES! Don’t get used to it everybody. This is like Haley’s Comet. It only happens once every 87 years. It’s also important to point out that Charlotte stills kicked out IMMEDIATELY following the three count, and it was so forceful that it sent Bayley flying to the outside. Think Hogan vs. Warrior from Wrestlemania 6, but instead of Hogan it’s Charlotte. I guess Bayley’s just gonna have to take what she can get at this point.
Match #4: Sonya Deville & Dolph Ziggler vs. Otis & Mandy
God, I hate Mandy Rose. Sonya comes out first, and she looks like she’s been raiding Undertaker’s Ministry closet. Mandy looks like one of those Bratz dolls. What a sour-faced tramp she is. What Otis sees in her, I have no idea. I like Otis a lot, but hopefully this match doesn’t last too long. Less than two minutes in and Dolph’s getting WRECKED! I don’t know how many times Otis has to beat him up before he finally learns his place.
We come back from commercial and Mandy’s getting her ass kicked by Sonya. I will say Sonya is a lot better than Mandy, but Mandy isn’t exactly Mildred Burke in the ring. I just don’t understand why Mandy’s a babyface. Didn’t she dump Otis for Dolph? Otis may not be very bright, but even he couldn’t have forgotten that so quickly. Otis finally gets the hot tag and Dolph’s taking everything he has. I don’t envy him. Even at half strength, Otis is still twice Dolph’s size, Those power moves can’t feel good. Dolph tags out to Sonya, who comes into the ring and kicks Mandy’s face off! YES! Dolph and Sonya win, but that’s not all. While Otis is checking on Mandy, Dolph superkicks him and they leave. Wait, does this mean Dolph and Sonya are an item, or is it just an alliance of convenience? Bring out Sheamus already!
Match #5: Jeff Hardy vs. Sheamus
I hope Jeff’s health insurance is paid up! You can paint your face however you want Jeff, it won’t change the fact that Sheamus is pissed and looking to make an example of you. Sheamus is out here next and I can see from his expression he’s not playing around. He’s never been Intercontinental champion before, and in order for him to get the opportunity he’ll have to get through Jeff. He looks determined to do it! No amount of flippy shit will save you this time Jeff!
It’s all Sheamus in the early going! Jeff can’t overcome his power! He is evasive and resilient though, Sheamus is gonna have to pound him to dust to win this. He gorilla dunks Jeff onto the announce table! Boom! That’s what happens when you mess with someone twice your size Jeff. Matt’s not here to save you now. Sheamus is going to win this entire tournament and it’ll be great! We come back from another commercial break and Sheamus is wearing Jeff down with a run of the mill rear chinlock. Sheamus isn’t known for his submission ability, but with his power, he can wear someone like Jeff down with very simple submissions like this one. Smart wrestling Sheamus! Use your power! Grind his bones to dust! Sheamus goes for an Irish Curse backbreaker, but he doesn’t stop at just one. He slams Jeff across his knee multiple times. It looks like Jeff has no chance of winning, but I’ve seen this before. We all know Jeff has no surrender in him, so it’s time for Sheamus to club him repeatedly like a baby seal! He tries to charge Jeff in the corner, but he runs into the ring post! Good job Sheamus, you Braun Strowmaned yourself. DAMMIT! Why does every big powerful guy always fall for that counter?! Just don’t charge anyone in the corner anymore!
Jeff goes for the flippity flop, but Sheamus blocks it with his knees and gives Jeff the Brogue Kick! THIS IS IT! Jeff kicks out at two?! Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick a second time but comes up empty and Jeff Hardy gets the win with a rollup! NOOOOOO!!!! Sheamus Baron Corbined himself! How could you do this Sheamus? I went to bat for you, you big Irish goon! Sheamus may have lost, but he’s pissed. Jeff better lookout next week!
My Final Thoughts on Smackdown (5/22/2020)
This was really a one-match show. Sheamus and Jeff Hardy was worth the price of admission, Miz vs. Braun led to a handicap match at Backlash, which has been confirmed, and the rest of this show I could take or leave. It’s a shame Daniel Bryan couldn’t show up tonight, but it is his birthday today so maybe he deserves a day off. If you guys saw the latest episode of RSH on this website, you may have heard my better half of the AEE team, Josh DeBord saying he’s a huge fan of Pockets. Earlier today, we almost came to blows over it, but I’m happy to say we’ve worked it out for the time being. Will he cross the line again? What will he say next to make me fly off the handle? I don’t know, but you guys should tune in next week and find out! Also, I’m not done covering pro wrestling this weekend. I’ll be writing all about AEW Double or Nothing tomorrow! There’s all kinds of wild shit going on at AEE.com! Until tomorrow, be sure and keep kayfabe alive!