Welcome to Smackdown everybody! Another late start for me tonight, so I’m scrambling to make up for time! Vince McMahon will be on the show tonight at some point! We’ll also see the debut of the Thunderdome concept! It’s essentially the entire arena being surrounded by fans being beamed through via satellite while they sit at home. I must admit it looks very cool, I just hope somebody wrote Mel Gibson a nice check.
The show begins with Vince McMahon! It’s good to see him again. He looks more like his dad every time I see him these days. After about a minute the Fiend shows up and things are about to go downhill for Vince. I know he doesn’t have any quit in him, so he won’t back down, but this can’t end well. Before shit can hit the fan, Braun Strowman shows up to make the save. Fiend and Braun are about to fight before the indy dorks in black show up again. This time, there’s like 15 of them. It’s getting ridiculous! The rest of the locker room has to come out to help. Too bad the Fiend didn’t teach Braun to teleport!
Sheamus vs. Big E
This is your typical big man match. The rest of the locker room is surrounding the ring, just so these mystery guys don’t show up and wreck the match again. They’re ruining the show for me at this point. How can we ever find out what’s supposed to happen next when these idiots keep interrupting everything? Still, no mission statement, which means at this point there’s no reason for them to exist as a group. The whole thing is pointless! A fight inevitably breaks out on the outside and Sheamus is understandably distracted by it, leading to Big E getting the win with a CRUSHING rollup. It’s the most effective finishing move in all of wrestling right now! Nice babyface move by Big E! Backstage, we see Jeff Hardy dealing with an injury. Shocking. More on that later I’m sure.
Cesaro & Nakamura vs. Lucha House Party
The CONspiracy Victims finally got booked! Over the last two weeks, they’ve split the singles matches with the luchadors. There’s no telling who will win this thing, but for the record, I’m firmly in the camp of the CONspiracy Victims here. This match is interrupted by Miz & Johnny. I was excited about this until they started making dick and fart jokes. You guys are more clever than that. I haven’t forgotten about Kalisto on the outside either. This is essentially a handicap match! Whatever it takes to take the belts off my men. This is so frustrating.
Lince does three moonsaults in succession to Nakamura, but Cesaro comes in to make the save. Gran Metalik goes for a dive to the outside and eats shit. Nakamura goes to put the boots to him, but Kalisto calls him off. He may be seriously hurt. Cesaro takes control in this one now and wins suddenly with what can best be described as a pop-up sunset flip. I’ve never seen that move in my life! Cesaro’s like a Terminator! The luchadors argue in the ring after the match ends. We see Jeff Hardy on the trainer’s table again. He’s supposed to fight Styles later, but I don’t see how it can happen if he’s in this condition.
Sasha Banks vs. Naomi
This is the first in a series of two matches for Naomi. She has to wrestle both Sasha and Bayley, and whichever of these two beats Naomi in the slowest time has to wrestle Asuka first this Sunday at Summerslam. So now that we’ve established Naomi will lose both of these matches, all we need to know is how fast it’ll take place. This immediately favors Bayley, who will wrestle Naomi second tonight. Naomi goes for something off the ropes, but she never gets there because Sasha turns it into a rollup. I can’t blame her, it seems like that’s the strongest move she can do based on the way the matches tonight have been decided. Sasha applies the Bank Statement and Naomi taps out after 3:38.
Bayley vs. Naomi
The pressure is on Bayley now. She has beat the clock or she wrestles Asuka first! Bayley tries for repeated pin attempts, but she can’t keep Naomi down. Bayley tries to get a head of steam off the ropes, but instead, she gets the BUTT SLAM! Noami wins incredibly quickly! I didn’t see that coming. So it’s been decided: Asuka will wrestle Bayley first. She comes out for a promo and I can’t understand it. I wish Nakamura was still here. More running updates on Jeff Hardy! The doctor is against letting Jeff wrestle, but Jeff’s never been one to listen to people in positions of authority, so he decides to wrestle anyway! I’m sure that’ll end well.
Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles
Will Jeff even make it through this match? I don’t know how it happened, but he’s clearly injured and AJ is fine. Daniel Bryan is here to offer some insight via satellite. This show badly needs him, but I guess a promo from very far away is the best we can get from the best wrestler in the world. I just realized when this match started, but I think they’re piping in crowd noise for this. I’ll allow it since I really like this set up. Jeff tries to go off the top rope early, but AJ goes for the leg again. AJ is vicious in this match! He’s exposed the knee brace and now Jeff’s in serious trouble. Watching Jeff’s matches before this injury already made me sad. I was never a fan of his, but he can barely move. He needs to hang it up.
When we come back from commercial, Jeff goes for the Twist of Fate, but AJ counters and both guys are down. Jeff goes to the top rope for the no-look flippity flop (trademark), but he falls hard to the mat. That was rough. Why don’t they just end this thing? AJ goes for his weird leg hold and Jeff gets the rope break. AJ’s had enough and he’s going the Styles Clash, the stupidest move in all of wrestling. When he goes to pick up Jeff, his knee brace hits AJ in the face. What a moron! Jeff gives him the Twist of Fate and the Flippity Flop for the win. Trademark! And Jeff Hardy is the new Intercontinental champion.
Love is the word of the day! Bray’s here to teach us about how love can lead to only negative things. He even gives us his version of last week’s events between Braun Strowman and Alexa Bliss, starring the puppets. That part made me laugh. Since love can only lead to pain and misery, why doesn’t everybody just try to be like the Fiend? Hey kids, if somebody’s bothering you, just snap their neck on national pay per view! Before he can finish, Braun shows up and lays him out. If Braun could have done that the whole time, why not do it the first time he tried to challenge for the title? Bray gets dragged out of the shot and I guess we’ll see what happens next when this commercial ends. They finally get a camera backstage (even though there was already one back there to begin with) and Bray gets chokeslammed off a ledge onto the concrete floor. A very obvious camera cut means Bray is fine and didn’t take the bump. If only Mick Foley knew they could do that years ago! They bring out a stretcher for a guy who knows how to teleport and put him in the ambulance, but the ambulance doesn’t leave the arena. The Fiend comes out of the ambulance and the show’s over.
My Final Thoughts on Smackdown (8/21/2020)
Getting to see Vince McMahon is always exciting for me. Since he’s getting old, there won’t be too many more of these. Having said that, it would have been better if the Fiend attacked him. I like the Thunderdome as a concept, and it’s nice to see the show in another place besides the training center. I was waiting for one of the fans to either pull their dick out or put on an AEW shirt so they could ruin it for everybody involved, but I’m pleased to report that didn’t happen. The Fiend really needs to get more physical. He can stand there and laugh if he wants to, but I haven’t seen him go after anybody in a while. I’m still interested to see him against Braun, but this match may be a dumpster fire. No matter what, Bray is super creative and I hope he leaves wrestling in the next few years so he can do films. I’ve already seen everything he can do in the ring. If you enjoyed this review, look for me live on Facebook tomorrow and Sunday for live reactions to both NXT Takeover and Summerslam!