It’s been a disappointing week for me in pro wrestling. Not much to talk about last Monday, and no MJF on AEW. But you don’t wanna hear about that right now, let’s get into Smackdown! On the bright side, tonight’s show looks pretty entertaining. Tonight, we’ll see a face to face meeting between Daniel Bryan and AJ Styles before their match at Backlash. We all know where that’s going. We’ll see the aftermath of Jeff Hardy hitting Sheamus with his car, along with more things!
The show opens with a Jeff Hardy promo. It’s the same one we’ve heard multiple times before. How many times is Jeff gonna get arrested, then come out here and cry? Tired of this. He’ll get no sympathy from me after making the same mistake over and over. He went to the police station and passed every sobriety test they gave him? I doubt that, he must have a cousin on the department or some shit. He claims there was some surveillance footage or something that shows Sheamus was responsible for this in some way. Last I checked, he wasn’t the one driving the car. Are we just supposed to ignore that Jeff Hardy could have killed Elias? Sheamus was nowhere to be found! How can he possibly be blamed for this? He didn’t run over Elias with his car! Sheamus shows up and he’s howling mad. You’d be too if somebody just tried to frame you for murder! Sheamus tells Jeff not to worry about making another mistake, because his family’s expecting him to fall off the wagon at this point. No lies detected. Jeff tries to bow up but gets a Brogue Kick. That’s what you get for being a dirty liar Jeff. Put some respeck on Sheamus’s name. Sick of you making shit up!
Match #1: Otis (w. Mandy) vs. Baron Corbin
I don’t care about this match and here’s why. I really like Otis a lot, but I can’t stand Mandy. I hate love stories in wrestling. I just want to see Otis wreck someone. Instead, he’s stuck in this shit with Mandy Rose and it’s killing him. And Corbin is Corbin. He’s basically Smackdown’s Kiss of Death. Anyway, he stole Baron Corbin’s crown backstage and Corbin’s mad about it. None of the usual pomp and circumstance in his entrance this week. Corbin pulls off a spinebuster on Otis, which is pretty impressive. Otis doesn’t get slammed very often. Corbin’s going old school in this one! He’s working the same head and arm hold he’s been doing for about three years now, but Otis is too strong for that. Otis hulks up and throws Corbin all over the place. Again, it’s pretty impressive since these are some big powerful guys. Corbin bails to the outside and hits Otis with a chair for the disqualification, but Corbin can’t escape! Otis drops the elbow on him anyway, but the real question is, did Corbin ever get his crown back??
Next, we get a promo from my guys, Miz and Johnny! They’re in the back of a surveillance van, which I assume is the same one that caught someone ALLEGED to be Sheamus hitting Elias with his car, even though we all know it was Jeff Hardy. It’s gonna take some serious doctoring/brainwashing to try and make Sheamus look responsible for this. Braun’s pouring a drink and spills it all over himself. For some reason, this is Miz and Johnny’s fault?
Next up is a promo from Chad Gable, but he doesn’t get to say shit before he’s interrupted by everyone’s good friend Mojo Rawley! Mojo makes a joke about Gable’s height, then makes sure to explain it so we all know how funny he is. This is notable because Gable gets attacked by Cesaro & Nakamura, along with Mojo! These three are working together?! A third person in this crew was a great idea, but not Mojo! He ruins EVERYTHING he touches! They should just change his name to Oh God, Not Him because that’s my immediate reaction every time he shows up. I can’t think of any other way Mojo ended up in this position besides dumb luck. He’s still plugging Gronk, who isn’t there in case you lost track. That’s what I’m here for!
Match #2: Sonya Deville vs. Lacy Evans
This match was supposed to start sooner, but we had to take a commercial break after Lacy got hit from behind during her entrance. Smart move by Sonya. Take every advantage you can get, it’s not cheating if you don’t get caught. I’m happy Sonya’s finally getting a chance to show what she can do on her own, but her motivations are questionable to me. She’s mad at all the blond girls, which is crazy to say the least. I prefer brunettes, and Sonya is up there for me, but this is a little ridiculous. If she wins a few matches, it’ll all be worth it!
Sonya’s doing some classic heel work in this match. Not only is taunting her verbally, but she’s standing on her hair too. Lacy sets up for a sunset flip, but she accidentally catches the ref in the leg on the way down. The ref appears to be seriously hurt. I saw this happen to Sean Payton once on the sideline of a Saints game. Just put a brace on it and he’ll be all right! It’s not nearly as bad as it looks. I blame Lacy for this, by the way, They have to take a commercial, and when they get back there’s a new ref in there. That guy’s such a wimp! Put a brace on it! Sonya’s targeting Lacy’s neck. I really can’t blame her for being this pissed off, especially after she had to deal with Mandy for so long when she’s a lot better than Mandy is. Lacy tries for a comeback. It’s not great, but I get the point. She thinks she’s Wonder Woman. She gets ALL of the Wild Thing (look out for Alex Bennison’s interview of Marc Mero on AEE.com), but Sonya kicks out at two. Mandy interrupts on the big screen and tries her best to promo. No emotion, terrible delivery, and she looks like a carrot. Sonya with the old standard: say it to my face! Mandy’s right there, you could just go back there and beat her up! Sonya gets fisted by Lacy and it’s over.
Daniel Bryan & AJ Styles: Face to Face!
And now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! I question the new design of the Intercontinental title, but if these two guys are fighting for it, they’ll make it prestigious. Either way this goes, there’s good storytelling here. You’ll either have Styles win it for the first time, or Bryan will win it for the first time since he retired with that same title years ago! Personally, I’d rather see Bryan win it. Styles comes out swinging and says Bryan wouldn’t even be here right now if Jeff Hardy hadn’t stuck his nose in the main event last week. Styles took the bye last week because he’s not stupid! Man, I root for bad guys regardless except in special cases, but the heels are dropping some serious truth bombs tonight!
Bryan says instead of hiding from some underneath guy who might catch him slipping on a banana peel when he’s champion, he wants to fight everybody and their brother every single week because he’s not scared of shit! This is admirable, but it sounds foolish in practice. Styles wants any potential opponent he might have to EARN IT. He doesn’t wanna give out handouts, but he’s feeling particularly benevolent tonight, so he gives a chance to Bryan’s good friend, Drew Gulak! Look everybody, Gulak’s in the building! We can confirm he’s signed a new contract!
Match #3: Drew Gulak vs. AJ Styles
Ok, now I’m POSITIVE Gulak has resigned. He takes Styles down very easily and tries for some submission wrestling, but Styles breaks free. What an opportunity this is for Drew! Running with Daniel Bryan has really raised his stock. I’m impressed how quickly things have turned around for him! Gulak goes right the comeback and it works, but Styles kicks out at two after the Michinoku driver. Styles regains control by going for Gulak’s eyes. BRILLIANT! AJ goes for the Styles Clash (worst finishing move ever), but Gulak catches him napping and wins with a CRUSHING rollup! Truly a SHOCKING finish! Nobody saw that coming!
And now for more wacky misadventures with my boys, Miz and Johnny. They’re in the parking lot next to Braun Strowman’s car. Miz sees a fly on the windshield, and being the good Samaritan that he is, he tries to swat the fly with a nearby golf club. He misses, so Johnny tries his hand at it. That fly is super evasive and neither man can hit it. Oh, and Braun’s windshield might be a bit worse for wear. Trust me, he won’t be the least bit mad about this. He’ll know just like I do that it’s a total misunderstanding. Miz will just tell him to calm down and he’ll shut up and listen right away.
Match #4: New Day & Chad Gable vs. Cesaro, Nakamura, & Mojo Rawley
I forgot to mention that New Day made the save earlier when Gable was getting beat up, so here we are. Unfortunately, I like Gable, which means I’ll have to suffer through more New Day nonsense. On a more personal note, nobody in this crowd has any rhythm during New Day’s entrance. Trust me, I KNOW rhythm. These hips don’t lie. This match starts with the heels in control on Big E of all people. The man can bench press a Volkswagen, but he can’t kick out of a Mojo Rawley pin until two? Kofi does a flippity flop to the outside, where Cesaro waits to spot him. Mojo gets involved in this on the outside too, but you don’t wanna hear about that right now.
We come back from the obligatory commercial break and Mojo’s in the ring doing stuff. Looks like it won’t be long before this one’s over. Gable tags in and beats the shit out of everyone Olympic style! He even nails his moonsault, but it didn’t work. If you can’t pin Mojo with the moonsault, maybe you should stop doing it entirely. Gable goes for the ankle lock but Nakamura and Cesaro show up for the save. Cesaro gives Gable an uppercut, and Mojo does his finish, which I’m calling the Sack of Shit for two reasons. Number one, he slams his opponent like a sack of shit. Number two, Mojo’s the one doing it. Gable kicks out and Mojo ends up taking the fall in this thing after New Day’s finish. That’s why you don’t team up with Mojo!
We catch up with Miz and Johnny to see what happens next. Braun’s PISSED about that car thing. I don’t understand! I was sure he’d let it go once Miz got a chance to explain things. Braun finds their plain white surveillance van parked about 20 feet away and tips it over. Maybe you guys should have picked a less obvious hiding place or painted your van a different color, but the problem is he didn’t give Miz a chance to explain. Braun needs to start hearing people out instead of throwing hissy fits all the time. Real mature Braun!
Main Event: Sasha & Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross
This show has been a lot of fun for me as you can probably tell, but it looks like it’s gonna end on a sour note. But I have been wrong before, I’ll give them a chance to prove me wrong. I’ll try and stay positive during this thing. I’ve really come around on Bayley’s work lately! I love her attitude. No more running around hugging those little bastards, I mean kids. Why does everybody keep implying that her friendship with Sasha is one of convenience alone? That’s bullshit! Everybody knows they’ve been friends for years and if anything, Bliss and Cross’s entire partnership started as Alexa using Nikki to get the upper hand on her opponents. They may have decided not to go that way, but that’s how it started. You can sweep it under the rug if you want but people don’t forget! There’s your history lesson for the week. Don’t forget, Bayley is still the ladies champion. She has a chance to win two belts! If only there were some catchy nickname she could use after winning this match? Unfortunately I can’t think of a single person who’s done that recently, so I have no examples to go on.
Nikki’s taking all the heat in this one, in part because she’s crazy, and in part because Bliss doesn’t take bumps ever. So she only tags in to clean up. She goes to the top rope to end this thing, but Bayley stops her and gives her a suplex off the top rope. That should have been it, but Bliss kicks out at two. Banks has tagged in now. She looks amazing, but she’d look even better with her natural hair color. Somebody in the group showed me what she looks like without the artificial stuff, and she’s by far the prettiest girl on Smackdown, at the very least. Sasha applies the Bank Statement submission but Nikki rolls through. She almost gets the pin, but Sasha turns it into a crucifix and GETS THE WIN! You read that right, Bayley has ALL the titles now! And Sasha just schooled Nikki Cross! I knew they could do it!
My Final Thoughts on Smackdown (6/5/2020)
I had so much fun writing about this show! We saw some good storyline development, all of the matches were decent, and I’m actually excited to see Backlash! I don’t know why Miz and Johnny spent their whole night pranking Braun Strowman, but if they wanna do it, they need to be more clever about it. Half that shit looked like something Doink might do. You guys are grown men, put some thought into it. I’m disappointed in you Johnny, I know you’re more creative than that. Apart from that, this show was super entertaining. I can’t believe Drew Gulak beat Styles! What are the odds?! And Bayley has all the titles! Mojo was there. What will happen at Backlash?! They’ve done a nice job building it and I’ll be here to cover it as always. See you next week!