An Overly Detailed AEW Dynamite Review (1/22/2020) By An Overly Opinionated Fan

AEW Dynamite Review #5 (1/22/2020): Bash at the Beach Part 2! by Anthony S. DiSalvatore 

Hello again everybody, I’m here once again to give you my overly detailed and slightly opinionated take on Bash at the Beach Part 2: Houseboat Boogaloo! There have been better sequels (Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Godfather Part II), and there have been much worse ones (see Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare or any Hangover sequel). Where will this sequel fall? Well, tonight we’ll see the team of Kenny Omega and Adam Page battle SCU for tag team titles! Dr. Britt Baker will finally get some screen time against Priscilla Kelly. I won’t pretend to know who that is. MJF will grace us with his presence against Joey Janella. And Jon Moxley will get his match against “The Bastard” Pac to determine the top contender for Chris Jericho’s AEW world title! Jericho and his boys Santana & Ortiz will take the Jurassic Express to school once and for all! Let’s get right into it! 

Match #1: “Hangman” Adam Page & Kenny Omega vs. SCU (w. Christopher Daniels) 

This match opens with Omega and Page making separate entrances, even though they’re supposed to be working together. For that reason, I have to take SCU in this one. How can anybody expect Omega and Page to win if they can’t suppress their egos long enough to walk to the ring together? Obviously, being on Jericho’s houseboat, this is an outdoor setting, and Hangman Page looks cooler for it. I said he looked like Edge before, but with his hair blowing in the wind, he looks like Nicholas Cage from Con Air. Movie references all over the place! Kenny Omega shows up looking STONED. Why is Christopher Daniels not wrestling in this match? I know he’s older, but he can still go. 

First things first, this match was FAR too long. I counted two plausible finishes in this match that didn’t happen. Kenny Omega gets splattered all over the ring by Hangman Page’s accidental clothesline. Page gets thrown out of the ring and SCU makes the pin, but Omega kicks out. Way to kill that move. SCU goes for their tag team finish, the SCU Later. That name is stupid, but the move itself is quite nice. It’s essentially a Gory Bomb setup, and the other guy catches Kenny with a knee to the face on the way down. Nice move, but Kenny still doesn’t eat the pin. At this point, this match has gone on for close to 30 minutes. It’s giving me a headache. The crowd has chanted this is awesome twice now, and even they seem to be getting bored. The match ends when Hangman Page does all the work after Omega gets knocked out. Both Kazarian and Scorpio Sky laid out with clotheslines. Hey, at least Hangman looked really cool in the end. Somebody get Hangman a hot dog and a beer! He is crowd-surfing out of here. Up yours, Kenny and Young Bucks! Moving right along to our next match! 

Match #2: Priscilla Kelly vs. Dr. Britt Baker 

The doctor will see you now! Britt Baker is finally on the show and she HAS to win this thing. I’ve never even seen Priscilla Kelly before. I like her outfit, but no way is she beating Britt Baker. Riho is nowhere to be found, so I don’t think Britt Baker has anything to worry about. Not much to say about this match. Neither woman here is the greatest woman wrestler ever. Nice finish in this one. Dr. Britt Baker does a Russian leg sweep floats over into Pac’s Rings of Saturn submission. I’m just happy she finally won a match. It’s a good thing Riho wasn’t here for this because that’s been the kiss of death for Dr. Britt Baker lately. Everybody may be worried that she’s about to turn, but you’d be frustrated too if you lost to Riho over and over. I can’t blame her one bit. 

Tony Schiavone enters the ring for a post-interview with Britt Baker. She shuts Tony and his ridiculous shirt down immediately by talking about his old job at a car wash or something, and based on his reaction it looks like she went too far. They cut off her promo with a commercial while she’s talking, which is just rude. This is brutal to watch. Dr. Britt Baker is a classic babyface, and she’s a full-on heel now. Her delivery is terrible too. It makes sense given the other questionable booking decisions I’ve seen, if she’s going to be the top babyface, what will they do with Riho?! Only one top dog in this company. Sorry about that Britt Baker. Love her as a babyface, hate her as a heel. Next. 

Match #3: Chris Jericho and Santana & Ortiz vs. Jurassic Express 

Let me be clear about this. I like Jungle Boy as a sympathetic babyface, and Luchasaurus looks great on his own, but the little guy with them just kills the whole thing. Is he limited in some way? I don’t understand what his deal is, and he’s too small to be taken for a threat. He could be a manager I guess, but I question who would grant this kid a manager’s license. Santana & Ortiz are out here next, followed by Le Champion himself, Chris Jericho and his sweet spiked leather jacket! Don’t forget Jake Hager. Nice to see he dressed up for this. The crowd sings along to Judas and they will not be denied. They do the entire song after the music stops. That was great. I wonder who the star in this match is. 

The story in this match is all about Jungle Jack Perry trying to get a leg up on Jericho after their 10-minute match a month ago where Jericho made him tap out. Jericho’s feeling like a nice guy, so he allows Santana and Ortiz to take care of business. After Jungle Boy runs out steam, Jericho finally tags in for a cup of coffee and takes his liberties. Santana and Ortiz continue to work as gatekeepers until Jericho tags in again, and Jungle Boy nearly beat him with a flying crossbody. Man, that was close. Jungle Boy tags out to Luchasaurus, who destroys everyone including Jericho. Double chokeslam and a handspring moonsault! Man, he is crazy agile. He drops Hager off the apron too. The weird-looking grade school child comes off the top rope with a 450 splash and ALMOST pins Jericho. If he had pulled that off, I would have stopped the broadcast. Jericho picks up the win over the kid with the Judas Effect. Close, but no cigar young man. Don’t mess with the champ. 

Match #4: MJF vs. Joey Janella 

This is it, the first time I’ve seen my man MJF in a singles match! I’m excited about this. He makes Excalibur kiss his ring during his entrance. Nice move. Why do they go to commercial during every MJF segment? They never do that to Riho! I’ve never seen Joey Janella either, but he is the anti-MJF. I’m not interested in anything he does, I actively try to avoid him, and he’s terrible at everything. The crowd has a chant for MJF that I can’t repeat. That was completely uncalled for. 

Man, MJF is just giving it to Joey in this match. He’s working the crowd the entire time which is great, and he just REFUSES to keep his mouth shut. They go to the outside and MJF sets up at the top of the ramp for a running clothesline but takes a backdrop into the ring. MJF uses the female referee as a human shield and gets the upper hand on Janella. Like a shark that smells blood, MJF flips the switch. This kid has a real mean streak. After we come back from ANOTHER commercial in an MJF segment, Janella is on the top rope and he’s looking to end this thing until Kip Sabian and his ex-girlfriend show up. He’s distracted and MJIF capitalizes with his own version of the Cross Rhodes and the win. Great work, my son. 

BUT WAIT, we’re not done yet! MJF gets some promo time! Last week, Cody said MJF was just a chapter in his story. MJF says he’s the last one. Cody comes out to answer, but remember kids, he can’t touch MJF. He agreed to the stipulations MJF laid down. MJF wastes no time getting right in Cody’s face and rubbing his nose in it. This kid is fantastic, he just never stops. He goes to hand the microphone to Cody, but drops it on the canvas. When Cody goes to pick it up, MJF kicks it away. I’ve never seen that one before. Nicely done. MJF goes to leave but Cody’s good friends the Young Bucks are here. Double superkick and they dump MJF in the pool. Come on now, on what planet is this a fair fight? It’s three on one and Wardlow is nowhere to be found. It’s a good thing I wasn’t on that boat, how dare they do that to MJF? He’s like a son to me and he’s not a strong swimmer. He could have drowned! 

Main Event: Pac vs. Jon Moxley 

This match is for the top contender’s spot against Jericho. And speaking of Jericho, he’s out first! He’s here to do commentary since he knows JR needs some help out there. Jon Moxley comes out from the crowd and his eye is heavily bandaged after Jericho and the Inner Circle laid waste to him last week. That’s what you get Moxley. You better watch yourself because Jericho’s sitting right there and he’s not afraid to come over there and smack you around again. Justin Roberts almost gives himself a hernia announcing Moxley’s name. What’s that about? Pac has the obvious advantage in this match. Moxley can’t hit what he can’t see. No matter who wins this match, Jericho wins because his next opponent will be significantly weakened. Pac lifts the bandage away from Moxley’s face and lays in some stiff looking shots to the face. It won’t be long now. They fight all over the arena during the commercial and Pac takes a tumble down the stairs. I hope he’s ok. I didn’t know this was anything goes! 

Jericho’s commentary is all over the place. He’s a heel, and says Moxley should only blame himself for his current predicament, but he also puts Moxley over as a rebel without a cause. Moxley goes to the top rope and tries for the elbow drop, but Pac blocks it and goes for the Rings of Saturn. Sorry, the Brutalizer. That’s a cooler name, I must admit. Pac with some stiff kicks right to Moxley’s face. This guy’s not playing around. Moxley appears to be blinded. Pac goes for a flippity flop from the top rope, but Moxley blocks it with his knees. He’s got a ton of fight in him, but he’ll run out of steam soon. Pac goes for the flippity flop once again, but Moxley avoids contact. He knows just as well as anybody that if Pac hits the flippity flop, this thing is over. Pac goes for the bicycle kick off the ropes, but Moxley blocks and nails the butterfly DDT. Only a two count though. Have you seen Pac lately? He looks like he’s chiseled out of stone. Moxley goes to the top rope again for some reason but Pac meets him there and destroys him with a top rope superplex. Man, that was a rough landing. Pac locks in the Brutalizer submission, but Moxley gets his foot on the rope. Jericho’s calling for the ref to end this thing. He’s such a nice guy. Genuinely concerned for Moxley’s well-being. The bandage is completely of Moxley’s head now and he looks to be about done. Moxley goes for a small package but comes up empty. Moxley with another butterfly DDT, but he’s not done there. He does it again and this thing is over. Jon Moxley is the top contender for Jericho’s world title at AEW Revolution on February 29th

My Final Thoughts on AEW Dynamite (1/22/2020) 

There was nothing about this show that I found blatantly offensive, so there’s not much for me to tear apart. The first match took almost half an hour which was totally unnecessary. I’m disappointed they’ve decided to make Britt Baker a heel, but with stars like Riho in their women’s division, I guess I can’t blame them. Jericho killed it this week. So did MJF, but I wish he hadn’t gotten thrown into the pool. Not smart of the Young Bucks to get involved either because Wardlow can destroy them on his own with no trouble. The main event was really nicely done. Great work by both guys. I’m much happier watching this show without Pockets being involved. Will they ruin the show for me completely by having Pockets on next week? Tune in to find out! 

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